The (Late) Morning Report

It’s an honour and a privilege, a duty I perform
With due sense of decorum and with pride
With deference and great respect very much the norm
Plus a hint of independence on the side
To lay before my reader all the facts about my plight
To fill you in on all the healthy news

(Yes, yes, Rachel, get on with it!)

In order that my blog update stands sturdy as I write
My latest strange and varied mix of views

(Rachel! The morning report!)

Er– yes, Reader– the morning report

Steroid baby fed, at 2am and then at eight
Hunger and exhaustion if the snacks, nay feasts, are late
Real progress: three aided steps from toilet to the shower
But please don’t over-egg it: there’s still very little power
I haven’t had a seizure since the fun of Thursday morn
And hopefully my Strangelove won’t be coming back at dawn

This is the morning report
Gives you the long and the short
Every grunt, roar, and snort
Not a tale I distort
On the morning report

The family has been supreme
About this drama-ville
Leisure has been thwarted
As I put them through the mill
The troopers keep on coming
Bringing food, clothes, love and crack
Looking after two small children
They have got the knack
Moving down the rank and file
The friends are awesome too
Far too many “thank yous”are
Quite frankly overdue

This is the morning report
Gives you the long and the short
Every grunt, roar, and snort
Not a tale I distort
On the morning report

Note 1: I’m not an intellectual property lawyer and not sure of how many laws I’ve just broken around the world. However, the original lyrics to “Morning Report” clearly do not belong to me and I’m shamelessly using them for my own (and hopefully others’) entertainment. I mean no offence or harm: imitation is, after all, the best form of flattery. I don’t have permission to reproduce/adapt the genius lyrics but nor am I gaining financially from doing so. Please, therefore, Mr Disney, have a heart and leave a girl (and her brain tumour) alone, you’ve had a lot of my money over the years anyway!

Note 2: I am beyond enraged at my own failure to finish this in time for a true “Morning” Report. The delay was caused by a luxuriously long shower and multiple redrafts. I contemplated leaving out the last verse to allow a pre-noon release, but my pedantry wouldn’t allow that either! Talk about a rock and a hard place….


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